I’m so frustrated with myself. I've been trying to focus and keep my personal life and work separate but somehow this shit intertwines and its so darn difficult.

i'm exhausted between classes and two jobs. it feels like there is never enough time in a day bc my work has seeped its way into every crack and corner of my life. i can't even find time to study anymore but i strive to be so busy because its the moments where I am still that are the hardest.

sometimes i wonder why i moved back here... to NYC, back to the concrete jungle. where i can be invisible and watch the world from clouds away, reminding me of what life was like in Indiana so I can miss it. don't get me wrong, i'm in all ways a New Yorker born and raised, a Brooklynite thru and thru and no amount of cornfields, pick-up trucks, and starry night skies will ever change that. But the force of the city really pulls the fear out of me. even though I don't mind, i don't know if this is a good time it has come in my life. I need things to slow down a bit because I am still learning to walk two steps ahead.

2 years of New York City already worn on my skin again. I had a different life then and I'm still not sure whether or not i'm creating a new life for me now or just readjusting to my old one. It's such an old new feeling. what to do?

the young and the restless, they say. i wish to be 18 again. I miss the Midwest. most of all, I miss the people who welcomed me with open arms and whose sideline cheers by my race and keeps me going.